The Environmentalist

Mother Earth always comes first in my book!!! Ever since the day I stepped out of diapers, I’ve been trying to find ways to lower my impact on the environment – from peeing in the bushes to eating bark, you name it – I do it for Mother Earth!




My life has never been the same since my friend, Jeb Brush, introduced me to Commando Clean. I can still remember when Jeb told me, “he would never wipe again.” He went on to explain how Commando Clean had changed his life. He said, “I finally feel free now that I don’t use TP.”

My life changed forever when Jeb asked me one simple question, “R.U.C.C.?” With a confused look on my face, I asked Jeb, what is R.U.C.C.? Jeb replied, “Are You Commando Clean”?

As tears rolled down my cheeks, I proceeded to lower my pants and show Jeb my bacon stripped tighty whities; the same pair of tighty whities I’d been wearing since the 7th grade. Jeb then looked me directly in the eyes and said, “My friend, I’m here to save you – it’s time you become a Commando”!

I’m now proud to admit, like a good environmentalist, I’ve been using the same paper napkin for six months. Yes, I use the same napkin to pat dry after using The Commando Clean.

Oh, and Jeb, the dinner party at my house last weekend, the napkin you used, that was my Commando Napkin – but, don’t worry, it’s always clean. Thank you my friend, you saved my life!

– Arnold “Commando” Spitzer