Announcing the retirement of Professor Arthur D. Skid the 3rd from Newbolt Technical Academy. Professor Skid has spent his career teaching mathematics and statistics at various technical institutions throughout the country. However, Professor Skid is best known for his development of a new line of mathematics known as Skiddometry.
*Skiddometry: the mathematical discipline devoted to the accurate measurement of skid marks.
Professor Skid’s ground breaking research earned him many prestigious awards and national recognition including: The Mathematical Participation Award, and The Mathematical Certificate of Completion. Professor Skid also received numerous obscure government grants including the Ecological Impact of Skid Marks Grant, and The Economics of Bacon Stripes Grant.
Fortunately, with decades of research and millions of tax dollars, Professor Skid was able to develop a universal mathematical formula for predicting skid marks. With this formula, Professor Skid’s life long dream of developing technology to prevent skid marks was patented. However, unlike Scotchgard, Skidgard has never enjoyed commercial success (as court documents state – it causes profuse sweating under the treated fabric).
height / weight * pie + x2/4 + lunar pull – fiber intake = skid mark trajectory
During Professor Skid’s exit interview he was overheard mumbling, “!@#$ing Commando Clean!!! Who knew avoiding skid marks could be so easy!”.